Gods Hand in my life!

As I sit down to write what the Lord has put on my spirit it is impossible not to reflect upon the past 5 years in which the Spirit of God has utterly changed my life. Like us all I still do not know the fullness of what I am called to do, but I know it has been and will continue to be an adventure. Nothing in my life has any purpose or meaning unless I am at peace with God. I know that without surrender and obedience to His perfect will full peace and joy cannot be attained. This includes writing, ministering, and teaching as the Lord ordains. Since returning from living as a prodigal child and surrendering to His will life has had some pretty exciting changes. Some have been hard lessons and others delightful surprises. The bottom line is they have all brought changes within my heart, drawing me closer to my Father.

One way the Spirit teaches us to know Him more intimately is through the Word. When the Spirit and I embark on a journey He always amazes me. My study time and writing is to know the heart and mind of my Father in more depth. It is through this relationship that I grow spiritually and without this living fountain welling up from within me, I die. Over time I have learned that part of my calling is to share with the Body of Christ the Water from this deep well. Water that contains the ability to change, regenerate, and purify the Body, bringing strength to overcome all things.

The revelations received by the Spirit have come in various ways. Sometimes He gives me a specific word, which when studied opens up a whole new direction for intercession or warfare. Other times it is an "electric thought" that is instantaneously birthed and deposited inside with fullness and life. With this form of direct deposit a volume of information is "downloaded" into my spirit. It may take hours or even days to explain what I "know to be true". Every time the Spirit places a teaching within me I learn as much as those I relate it too. Generally out of simplicity of thought comes some pretty deep stuff. I thank the Spirit of the Lord for giving me wisdom, knowledge and understanding in the Word. Just as the Word commands, I attempt to study showing myself approved to my Father.

It is quite ironic that the Lord calls and anoints us to do things that are totally out of the realm of our norm. It seems He takes impossible situations and glorifies Himself, as He amazes a disbelieving world. This is again true in my life as I am utterly incapable of writing or teaching as the Lord has required of me. You may laugh or relate to this feeling but indeed the Lord truly uses the foolish of the world to confound the wise. I am in absolute awe of Gods ability to create something or someone to glorify Him. Our God is able to overcome any obstacle that stands in our way. NOTHING is too difficult for Him. I pray that all who see the miracles of my life and family will see the hope that lies in trusting the Lord. I desire not to be seen of men but to be a "Glory Bearer" heralding the coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I pray the Bride is found complete, holy and blameless prepared for her husband, consecrated and set-aside for His holiness. Lord God…these are your people; speak thru me your servant. In the name of Jesus. Amen

Our testimonies are meant to show a bit of how awesome God is. They are created to give hope to everyone in bondage and shine a light into the depths of darkness. Reminding us that it matters not how far we have strayed or how tainted we’ve become, God can glorify Himself even through our mistakes. I thereby share some of what I have endured so that others may be given hope. God is indeed a God of miracles and I am living proof of His love and Power. According to my medical records I have a injury that affects communication area of my brain, this includes long and short-term memory capacity. You would never know by speaking to me outwardly or by the writings the Lord filters through me, as the Spirit fills in my natural deficits. The Holy Spirit gives me remembrance of what I need to know and I rely on Him to guide me. He never ceases to amaze me as we walk through each day together. It is because of this relationship that I have finally found peace.

I cannot tell you why He has chosen not to fully heal my brain, it is not for lack of faith. I stand ready to receive the full manifestation of healing, I do know that He has given an abundance of grace to endure! Perhaps He has left the deficit so He can give hope to others. In that it matters not if we are extremely smart or simple in thought, God can use and speak to everyone in any way He desires. Success in what God has called us to do is not based upon our personal ability to overcome or excel but instead it is about our surrender and obedience to the Lord. Apart from God we are nothing and without His guidance our lives are meaningless. The Spirit has shown me that when I try to "think" things into existence I utterly fail, only by surrendering to Him can I fulfill my calling. I know that aside from God, I am nothing. Without the guidance of the Holy Ghost I am unable to do anything nor would I want to. He is my teacher, my comforter and my friend.

I am a prodigal child who has returned to my Fathers side desiring never to stray again. I did not intentionally fall away from walking with the Lord. It was never my desire to sin or stray as far as I did. It was a slow, subtle progressive decent into disobedience. To understand how I fell away from the Lords side I must back up a number of years. I must also relate that in my mind I never fully turned my back on Him but instead I allowed many other things to take His place. I did not knowingly allow other things to become my god, it just happened. Looking back on my life I can see that because I was consumed with fear and insecurities, I allowed it. Just as a rip tide can slowly guide you down the beach away from your starting place, I did not know how far I had drifted until I looked up. It is a hopeless and horrifying feeling when you no longer hear the Lords voice. There are no words to describe the darkness and torment that engulfs you when you no longer possess the peace of God. It is in this place that we become most vulnerable to spiritual death. We must pray that the Lord will give us greater sensitivity to others who have fallen away from Gods perfect will. So often words uttered from our brethren are mortal, spoken from the flesh and not the spirit.

When I was a child our family ministered to the lost and hurt. I received the Baptism of the Spirit when I was 5 years old and immediately operated in the gifts of the Spirit. My parents allowed us even as children to flow as the Spirit desired. During the 1960’s people would knock on our door at all hours seeking deliverance and healing. Most conservative Christians would have locked their doors after seeing the appearance of these tormented indiviuals. Trusting in Jesus, we welcomed them. Often they would walk into our home intoxicated or demon driven, seeking freedom. They would leave receiving what they came for and more. We began as Catholic Charismatics when there was no such movement. We met with the priests, the nuns and the hippies in homes and church basements. As the years progressed our lives became intertwined with many different denominations, including Assembly of God, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Methodist, Baptist, and others. We carried the Light of the Spirit to everyone we met, but never could find a place where we truly fit. We operated in the simplicity of Jesus, not confined by the lines of religion. Such childlike faith in the power of the Lord brought upon our family much persecution and rejection. Looking back at what occurred to the churches after we left we can now see the anointing we carried was catalytic, producing a revival flame from the Father. I now know we were a forerunner ministry, way ahead of our time.

The final church where we attended and ministered at produced one of the most difficult rejections we endured. They literally placed my father (who was an elder) and the Pastor "on trial" and commanded them to leave. The board members did not like the operation of the Holy Spirit in their church. The signs, wonders, and miracles that began to manifest during the Sunday night prayer meetings were magnificent but they began to be questioned by religious spirits. They had become uncomfortable at the rate God was increasing the congregational size attending the prayer meetings and in how the Spirit of God manifested. They met in secret, just as the religious Pharisees did in Jesus day. These individuals did not desire to know the Lord, but instead wanted an organization run by their own rules and regulations. They did not want freedom in the Spirit but instead desired legalistic rules to control their church. They even went to the extent of questioning "what holy spirit" we operated in. We left the church wounded and broken.

We had served the church as a family in ministry, giving everything of ourselves. We gave in whatever area it was needed, from music to cleaning. This rejection was more than any of us could bear. My parent’s marriage ended a few years later, with both of them so deeply wounded that it would take literally years to even begin to heal. My brothers and sisters became so embittered towards Christianity that they wanted nothing to do with it. I held on for a number of years searching for my place in the Body but was unable to find it. Each time I reached out towards Christianity the wounds became deeper. Instead of finding comfort, I found rejection and judgment. I retreated into my own world resigned to serving God alone.

After years of persecution and rejection by the hand of our brethren I finally could take no more. I found comfort and solace in the world, as the heathen were kinder to me than most people who profess to be Christians. I continued to have visions, dreams and what I now know to be prophetic revelations. They involved world, religious events and situations regarding those around me. I did not understand exactly why I experienced these visions and dreams until later in life. Along with the visions and knowledge I also felt the pain and burdens of others but did not know it was for prophetic intercession. Because I was not handling the burdens properly, the pain was too much for me to bare. I cried out to God asking Him why does He show me such things if I can do nothing. One day when yet another dream came to pass I cursed the gift placed within me. For a number of years after that I did not have any operation in the area of prophesy. It was not until after I had gone through deliverance and repentance that I could be used of this calling for the Glory of God again. When I repented the Spirit of God allowed me to flow freely in this gift, this time He returned it unto me with greater knowledge of its power and purpose. Then over the course of a few weeks He brought back every dream, vision, and revelation ever given to me. This time there was clarity and direction in what they meant.

I went down some very dark roads before I received personal revelation of how powerful the Holy Spirit is in my life. Because of the injuries sustained in a car accident I was broken and I felt hopeless. Even though I had met Jesus and was spirit filled at a very young age, I still lacked the depth in a relationship with Jesus that gave me peace in all things. I had known that I was called to serve the Lord with my life but I had allowed fear to become a god. I lacked a proper understanding of who I was in the Lord and became fragmented physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I drifted away from reality and by mans standards was irreparable and unreachable. Even Christian counselors and the doctors gave up on me. They did not know how to help me to be free and healed. The right side of my body became atrophied and I was riddled with pain. Spiritual enemies had taken over my "land" and I was filled with torment. Man could only give medications to numb the pain in my body and mind. Labeling me with medical and psychiatric terms.

My emotions were out of control and I became as the Gadarene demoniac. I literally sat outside in the dark smoking, drinking, crying and cutting myself. I did not want to be that way, but for some reason I was unable to stop. I felt as if something or someone else was controlling my actions. I was bulimic, suicidal, intensely depressed and anxiety filled. Fear overtook me from every direction and I had no peace within. I hated who I had become and saw no hope of life becoming any better. Mans knowledge and medicine was unable to repair me, and I slowly became a cast-a-way of society. Even the church was uncertain how to handle the bondage I was in.

The feelings that overtook me were a culmination of years of despair. After the years of persecution and rejection I fell away from my relationship with the Lord. I found comfort in Egypt until returning to the Lord during my first visit to the mental institution. I rededicated my life back to Him while sitting in my room late one night. Music had always been a major part of my relationship with the Lord. Shame had created a divide that made me unable to draw unto Him. I had gotten to a point that I could no longer play my flute or sing to Him. As I sat upon my bed broken and alone the spiritual wall that inhibited me from reaching His throne melted. I sang praises unto my Lord in the Spirit and later found that some of the other patients thought that an angel was singing. I had forgotten how wonderful it felt for my spirit to speak unto the Lord. The communication line was re-established that night. But I was still bound in darkness, with open doors because of my past sins while a prodigal.

The following year proved to be the hardest. It was as if a black void was swallowing me alive. Voices in my mind intensified and echoed what man had told me. The thoughts continued, "There is nothing that can heal me or repair the damage in my life, I’m hopeless." A voice that actually claimed to be from God would speak smooth things unto me saying, " God is such a good God. There is no one on earth that can heal you. He wants you home. Just ask forgiveness then kill yourself. You’ll be forgiven." I listened to this voice comfort me during the many attempts to end my life. Since it was not Gods desire for me to die, each attempt proved to be unsuccessful. On one occasion I had taken handfuls of pills along with consuming a large amount of alcohol. The next thing I remember was blackness surrounding me. I felt like I was flying through darkness. Then there was a light and a loud voice that declared, "It is not time yet for you to die. There is too much work that you must do." Then there was a very loud sucking noise like a vacuum sound. I felt like I was being propelled backwards until suddenly I opened my eyes. I felt myself take a deep breath similar to when you come up from swimming, as if I had not taken a breath for a while. Some would say that I was hallucinating because of the overdose, but I knew better. I had died and God returned my life to my body that night, this was done only by HIS grace and mercy. What made it absolutely clear that God had intervened was that when I opened my eyes and took a breath, I was cold sober.

By September of 1995 my mother was deeply concerned. Not only had there been numerous suicide attempts but various sicknesses were manifesting throughout my body. By outward appearances it looked as if I was dying and she was did not want to lost me to satan. I weighed less than 95 lbs and was bulimic quickly slipping into anorexia. The depression was so thick that even the medications did not help. The doctors could not understand why my body was atrophying and could not pinpoint the source of many of the illnesses that were overtaking my body. Chronic fatigue and arthritic pain became a normal part of life. My life began to look even darker. Demonic torments were pushing me towards a slow suicide. Their manifestations were meant to ware me down to a point of giving up. They almost won.

Mom flew me out to Vail, Colorado to spend some precious time with her. She had not given up on the power of God and was not going to let satan have me. Since I had come back to the Lord earlier that year I agreed to pray with her. I was unaware at the time but when she anointed and prayed over me she asked the Lord to place upon my life the ministry, anointing and callings that had been given to my parents years before. She felt that she could no longer fulfill what God had called her to do. If she was going to lose me, she would lose me to God. That proved to be the best thing she could have ever done, fully releasing me into the perfect will of God. Now Father God had complete control to rescue me from darkness, without well meaning prayers hindering His will. You might guess the hordes of hell were not happy that day.

What I did not know is that when we pursue the Lords will in our life things can become more difficult. As long as I was in the world, under the dominion of satan my life was fairly easy. I did not possess peace but the demonic obstacles were not nearly as great as what I encountered when I returned to the Lord. When I started attending church on a regular basis and by my mother anointing me into full service to God, sparks really flew. It is important as believers that we share this wisdom with new believers. Life will not be perfection in the natural when we turn our lives over to God. We must grow through adversity to groom us. We are given power and authority over all weapons of satan but it is up to us to use these tools. I did not know that in this life we would have persecutions, trials and rejections. I was not taught this by mainstream Christianity. For years I took the rejection personal thinking it was all about me, I was wrong. I was missing major blocks in my foundation.

After returning home I continued to attend my church regularly. I wanted to be free and was trying everything I knew to change. When I attended service, I worshiped the Lord freely. But as soon as I left church every bit of peace was sucked out of me. Every time there was an alter call I went forward, hoping I would become free. Sometimes the demons would actually manifest while getting prayer, but no one around was versed in deliverance to discern it. So often demonic manifestation are mistaken for the Holy Spirits presence. While it is true the Spirit of the Lord was present upon me and within me, my house was divided and the spirits that bound me fought His presence. At times they would shake me without ceasing. Knowing it was Gods desire for me to be free, I continued to seek prayer. Over and over I went forward for prayer, each time leaving wondering what I was doing wrong.

It was this back and forth infilling of the Spirit of God that brought upon me the greatest attack of condemnation. Every time I attended service, I could feel the presence of the Lord. Why was I unable to walk in freedom? What caused me to lose it when I went back home? What was I doing wrong that made me unable to reside in His presence daily? The guilt and condemnation burrowed me deeper into depression. I was doing everything I could possibly do, yet I was not becoming free. It seemed the more I pressed into the Lord, the more violent the attacks became. I finally could not take it anymore. It was not long after this that the last in a line of many suicide attempts occurred. I listened to that voice one last time in January of 1996. My life was over as I had known it. What I thought was the end of my life proved to be the beginning. God had a plan of deliverance for me. He knew in the depths of darkness how to free me from the torment that ensnared my life.

On that Sunday afternoon in January just as a mother prepares for her child’s birth, I began to prepare for death. I had gone beyond pain and torment and had become the walking dead. I had found peace and solace in the false voice that beckoned me towards my spiritual home. I was so bound that I could no longer discern the true voice from the false. I just wanted to be free. As the voices intensified I began drinking and taking prescription medications. Somehow I found myself at my church. I do not even remember driving there. The Spirit of God must have gotten me to the property. Once there I was unable to get inside to ask anyone to help. Thoughts of what was spoken in previous counseling sessions played over in my mind. I was told by pastors and counselors, "It was not possible for someone to be bound as I was. There must be some sin doorways open where I was allowing satan in. I was a Christian and all I need to do was speak the Word over myself and I would be free." There were indeed doorways open, but because of the degree of bondage I was unable to close them alone. I did not want to be bound and did not purposely pursue sin. I knew I needed deliverance but I could find no one to pray with me for freedom. I had grown up seeing the power of the Holy Ghost and I knew Jesus came to set the captives free. I was a child of God and needed the children’s bread (which is deliverance) but this conflict of teaching brought confusion and condemnation upon me. Maybe it was my fault, I deserved it. Every time I reached for my bible it was a though a wall of fire prevented me from touching it. When I would get it open, the words would blur together and I could not read it without confusion. The more I tried, the more hopeless I felt. The only hope was to listen to the voice and "go to God."

The Spirit of the Lord was able to get me to the church property, but the torment kept me out of the sanctuary. Carrying a bottle of vodka and two packs of cigarettes I climbed out of my van and stumbled over to some steps attached to a portable building. Hopelessness engulfed me and I saw no way of freedom. I crawled under the stairs and continued to smoke and drink. Torment filled my mind I wanted to be free but how? Voices told me many things that deepened the darkness. They swam through my mind, but I could not stop them. They sounded like my own thoughts. I could hear the music from the youth building and people gathering for Sunday service. I heard laughter and happiness but it was not meant for me. I cannot tell you how many people passed by me as I lay under the stairs. I wanted so badly for someone to unlock the chains that bound me, but no one held the key. I was an invisible person, doomed to die.

With my mind no longer my own and my body numb from the alcohol I used a razor to cut my wrists. It was at that point that I blacked out. I have vague memories of what happened over the next few hours. I was told later that I stumbled into the church drunken, dirty and bloody. I possessed the strength of many men. Two men who knew spiritual warfare bound the strongman and immediately the unholy strength ended. This made it very clear that we were not dealing with flesh and blood, but with demonic powers. The angels of God overpowered the demonic forces in my life to get me to freedom. Had God not gotten me to anointed ground that day, I know I would not be alive today. The Lord has since shown me the power of sanctifying lands and belongings for the Kingdom of God. I thank the pastors of that church for speaking life and protection over the land. It saved my life.

Binding the strongman was the extent of how my church knew to handle the demonic behavior. Looking back on what happened, I couldn’t fault them for what they did not know. A police officer took me to the hospital and after they bandaged my wrists I was committed to the mental facility. My husband was called and the events of the day were related to him. He no longer wanted anything to do with me, but agreed that I needed help. A pastor spoke to him about my need for deliverance, but they were not able to help. They knew of a healing and deliverance ministry that possibly could.

I spent three tormenting days in the county mental health facility. During that time satan was relentless in showing me all the errors of my life. I knew that life as I had known it was over. The doctors had warned me that if there were any more attempts on my life I would be permanently committed to the state mental hospital for life. No one came to visit and even my Christian therapist told me he could no longer treat me. I had made some wrong choices and there would be consequences. I cried to God but my prayers seemed to hit the ceiling unanswered. I could not believe that I had done such horrible things again. I was caught in a never-ending cycle of torment. I was broken.

On the third day my husband came to pick me up. His only motive was to transport me to the ministry and leave me, thereby washing his hands of all responsibility. We drove to Jesus Is! Ministries in Inglis, Florida. I could not see how such a simple place could help me. No one had been able to free me before. What made them any different? Thoughts bombarded my mind and I wanted to run away. Why didn’t you let me die Lord? Hopelessness engulfed me.

I surrendered fully to God that day and over the next three months miraculous things happened. My mind, body and spirit began to be restored. The deliverance I had prayed for was available and it was given in love. Demonic manifestations surprised even me and the behaviors that once drove my life no longer appeared. The chains that had bound me for so long were no longer around my mind and body. The Word warns us that the when demons are cast out, they go to dry places. Then desiring to return to their "home" they bring seven more with them to attempt to gain access. I had grown up operating in the anointing of deliverance along with my parents. I had demonic strongholds broken but because I had not kept my "house" filled with the Spirit, they had come back upon me. Not only the normal variety of spirits, but also the seven more mean and wicked the Word talks about. Here I was a Spirit filled Christian whose spirit belonged to God, but my flesh and soul were bound. I now understood what the scriptures meant by a house divided. I had been divided and was no longer able to stand.

When I was bound in torment I never was able to see beyond my own circumstances to become free. I dwelt in a dungeon of self-pity and torment, seeing the Light but never able to come into the fullness of it. This is common tactic of the enemy, to keep our focus on what is happening in our own lives. It is a form of selfishness that has consumed many and they don’t even know they are bound. This is a crippling disease in the Body and breaks the most powerful key we possess, unity in love. We cannot funnel the power of God unless we operate in Love. Laying down our lives for our friends creates an unstoppable force. This is the sacrifice that Jesus gave us when He died on the cross for our sins. When we surrender to God and allow Him to take us through adverse situations He will shine that Light to others when they endure hardships.

Looking back upon the events of my life, I can actually see the work of God throughout even the times I chose to disobey. Every situation has been turned back upon the enemy and it has given more insight into fighting for others. Having been in the enemies’ camp I know how deceptive he can be. His role is to steal, kill and destroy in any way he can attempting to make it impossible for us to receive forgiveness and to serve our most Holy God. What satan meant for my destruction is instead being used against him for his own demise. The more he messes with my life and the Body of Christ, the more power and authority he gives that will to be used against him.

The events related above were the end result of the culmination of years. As with most people who serve the Lord the testimony of my life is broad and wide and even with its length written here, there is so much more that is of equal importance. I have prayed and condensed it to some of the highlights of Gods intervention. It is my hope that others will be able to be freed because of what I endured. God is not a respecter of persons and what He has done for me He WILL do for others. I know that there is nothing new under the sun and there are others who have endured persecution too. I pray that you will be able to see that the attack is essentially the same. It is meant to cripple us, but as we expose his methods his power will be diminished. We must not allow our hearts to be hardened by difficulties of the past, but instead allow the Lord to heal.

I praise and thank the Lord for His continuing freedom. I am the Masters work in progress!

There is more that will be written about my experience with the divine and loving deliverance that I received the hands of believers who knew the power of God and used it in a loving way. The deliverance that has been attempted and taught over the years has been religiously tainted and puts the person through much pain. The deliverance and healing that Jesus taught us is easily entreated and full of compassion. This is but a small segment of my life with the Holy Spirit. The things that happened during the moves of the Spirit of God in the 1960’s and 1070’ that we were part of are awesome. As well as what has happened since my deliverance.

God Bless you all!

In HIS Service
Teresa Daly-Crews
JahShalom@msn.com
www.jesusrministries.com